I pasted the below list into an email and saved it as a draft years ago. I cant remember where I found it or who wrote it. All I know is it’s been in my email drafts folder for a long time.
I stumbled upon it Today and had a real moment of being grateful and inspired. The list provides 7 points that reassures couples that they are with the right person. These days it is so easy to get mixed up in the materialistic matters of the world and the absolute bullshit factors they give us that matter when it comes to relationships. This list list is grounded in what my idea is of true humility, love, understanding and spending your life with someone:
1. You Can Truly Be Yourself
It’s pretty hard to find people who you feel you can be your true self around, be it friends, family or partners. When it comes to elements of yourselves, never enter into a relationship where you have to compromise who you are. The longest lasting relationships are the ones where both partners can be who they truly are without fear of being judged, ridiculed or asked to change. I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. Be yourself. The best thing I did was tell my wife early on in our relationship that I love playing PC games. I didn’t hide this passion of mine, which meant we both went further with our relationship knowing this fact about me. The opposite would have been me not telling her, and only after we’ve moved in together does she realize that I play games a lot. What if she didn’t like it? Or what if I suppressed my Gaming passion purely out of respect, thereby compromising who I am.
Be honest, be yourself.
2. You Celebrate One Another Instead Of Competing
Happy partners don’t feel like they need to compete with one another, but rather they celebrate the other’s successes and power through failures together. Ego-based comparisons are poison for relationships. Instead, be happy with successes your partner may see, and strive to be better yourself.
It took as a while to fully understand that we are always… ALWAYS on the same team, especially when we are fighting. It is so easily to see your partner as the enemy when you are angry with him/her. But when you view your partner as an ally, friend, on the same team and not competition then it takes the sting out of arguments.
3. You Support One Another No Matter What
This goes hand-in-hand with #2. Not only is it important to support your partner through success, but also through their failures and times of uncertainty. This kind of support can come from listening, providing assistance with anything you can, but always ensure that your partner is never all by him or herself in whatever troubles they may face.
4. Petty Differences Aren’t A Deal Breaker
Many differences in taste, belief or philosophy are a personal feeling and don’t reflect on a relationship. Too many people still hold the opinion that too many differences are warning signs for a relationship. this is not true. Yet, these small differences can easily become a deal breaker of the foundation is not set in stone. Don’t allow these differences to be a deal breaker, and definitely don’t attempt to change the mind of the other person. Embrace who they are. Respect each other and out of that will come the automatic compromise and time given to each other.
5. The Past Is Left In The Past
Past relationships are in the past, and it’s time to focus on the present. Living in the moment helps us overcome challenges and build trust and confidence in the people that we are with in the here and now.
6. You Don’t Play Games
Healthy relationships don’t have partners playing games or keeping score. “I did this for you, now you have to do this for me.” That kind of attitude screws up relationships. In a relationship, you should just love the other person and support each other in healthy ways.
7. Your Relationship Is An Extension Of Your Human Experience
The more we rely on other people to provide us with happiness, the less happiness we’ll experience. Our relationships are an extension of ourselves and our human experience, not what creates it. Relationships aren’t meant to fill a particular void, and if you find yourself in one for that very reason, you may need to re-evaluate.
I have a lot to say about this last point, which I will continue in a new post. So stay tuned. 🙂