In 4 days I will be 41 years old.

This is about to be one of my most candid posts ever.

This will be the third consecutive birthday where my relationship is in such a state that I don’t even want to celebrate my birthday. This is the beginning of the 4th year where we are fighting before, on or after my birthday. Its not just my birthday. Its been 3 years of relationship hell. A slow decline into being dead cold.

I have no more will, energy to keep on trying. I am tired trying. I am done trying. The yo-yo ride of trying to fix our marriage, seeing our trying is not working, always being the one to reach out to change approach, getting into a massive fight right after, threatening with divorce, reconciling with new plans, trying again yo-yo ride is about to end.

I will not sacrifice another year for this.

My son is my life and hope and I will do anything for him. And the best for him is to stop this madness.

Things need to change. Fast. Why am I even still here?

Love?

What is love? I dunno. But can one make such a decision without questioning love?

Love sure is not what I’ve been experiencing the last 3 years.

F