This is the one year of my life where I am unable use just one word to sum up everything that happened.

Looking back I can see how little I posted, looking at myself I can see “the years” really started showing and looking forward there’s so many hurdles ahead. Yet with these intentionally vague descriptions comes much excitement, joy and things to look forward to in 2020. Let’s be direct: This year was not what I expected. It is a year that I do not ever want to repeat ever again.

I thought 2018 was going to be the year I never want to repeat again, but 2019 just went and set new records on every level. One part of my life is giving so much joy and life and light to myself and everyone around me. This is the thing that keeps me going, gives me the energy and motivation and hope and strength to go on…to continue.

And then I have another area that seems to fall apart more and more and more. No matter how hard I fight, how much love I think I can give, how much money it costs, how many people I see and talk to, how many times I fall and how many times I get-up it just does not seem to come together and heal, restore or become one again. In 2019 terms such as fear, hope, depression, anger, frustration, love, distance, forgiveness, betrayal and trust were very real terms I had to deal with.

Is there an end to this part? Will i get better? I don’t know…the real question is for how much longer I can go on like this.

On the positive side I did one thing well this year, and that was looking out for myself. After the promise I made myself at the end of 2018 and amidst all the things happening this year I managed to look well after my career, my sleep, my health, diet and personal time/meditation. I feel healthy, strong, motivated and willing.

I am very excited about a challenge I started with a friend who wrote a journalling life challenge book called “The book of life”. This has allowed me to put plans in place for my ideal life, and match the plans with action steps on how I am going to achieve these plans. Here’s a few photos that symbolizes the highlights of this year: