I consider myself to be a spiritual person. Spiritual meaning I see the purpose, effect and need for a spiritual being and the benefit people get from an interaction/relationship/knowledge of with this being/energy/God. My entire life has been about getting to know this God and please Him/It. It’s rather strange that such a large part of my life has been dedicated to finding meaning in God, this world, people and how it all ties together. I see God or a knowledge/relationship with It as extremely beneficial for every person and humanity, so this may be a reason why I’ve been on this journey to increase my experience, and hence my enjoyment and sense of fulfillment in life.
But I felt it necessary to give a short recap on how my spiritual path has twisted and turned over the years. It’s been a rather spectacular journey, and I give this waiting anxiously for what lies ahead…
1. Church going luke warm Christian – Pretty much sums up my entire childhood up until the age of 18. I went to church and was a good little boy that behaved. I was never rebellious or “naughty”. I probably had plenty of genuine truthful and honest intentions of love, service and hope towards humanity and the “lost”. But it was an easy ride I never took seriously.
2. Committed law bound Christian – This is the period where I became really committed in many ways. In serving, loving, obeying and conforming. Although I now look back at this time as a time of being a dumb sheep that never asked questions and simply followed the herd, I can honestly say that this period of my life definitely had its benefits. There were times where I really felt close to God and His plan for my life.
3. The freedom Jesus follower – After breaking free from the religion, dogma and specific flavor of how to relate to God I entered a period of ‘grace’ as they call it. A time of breaking free from the rules set by man on how to relate to God. I thoroughly enjoyed this time. It was an extremely freeing and easy going period that enabled me to expand my views on how and what God is and how to relate to Him or It without any preconceived ideas, religions or beliefs.
4. The journey out of Christianity – I say ‘journey out of Christianity’ yet if someone asks me what I believe in, Christianity would probably still be the closest and easiest to explain. I think. The crux of the matter here is a few fundamental reasons why I simply cannot associate with the core principals of being Christian. Perhaps these reasons are worth exploring in more depth:
a. Jesus – Ah yes. So many people have so many issues with Jesus. Do I believe in Him… Yes. Do I love him…Yes. Do I acknowledge that He was the messiah…Maybe. Is He the one and only way to salvation/Heaven/God… No. What I do know is that across the expanse of our entire worlds history few people have yet to leave a mark and an impact as Jesus has. There was something special about this man that cannot be ignored.
b. Miracles – Well this is a difficult one to explain. But, there simply is not 1 concrete reason why some Christians struggle their entire lives to “tap into the spirit of God” and hear His voice, do miracles, get answers to their prayers while others do it so easily. Why has the God of the bible made it so difficult for those that love Him to hear from Him, relate to Him, feel loved, feel that He cares? Yet you hear of others that can so easily perform miracles (while others ask for this their entire lives and all they get is unanswered healing prayers), experience Him daily. There is no clear cut way to “progress” in your experience of God. Some say pray more, others say have faith, others say it’s a gift, others say its obedience, others say its service, or love.
I feel that there is no clear answer because Christianity does not have the answer.
One possible answer lies in the idea of achieving higher enlightenment or consciousness. It is a path I am still investigating but the idea is that a more conscious / self aware person would be one that connects to God easier, hear his voice easier, perform miracles easier? Dunno…
And this is where I am at in this point in my spiritual journey. As I write this things start to make sense. Christianity could not offer me the deep connection I wanted with God, the connection I’ve always wanted and desired my entire life. Make no mistake plenty can be gained by following the ways of Christianity, but for me…. I want more. I don’t want “have more faith” or unclear speculative answers on how to become one with God.